Little boy and a horrible day.

Today, I went back home with a fire burning in my heart. I'm so freaking angry with my own friends. Who broke promises that made in less than 1 hour. Wtf? I have so many things to do in this week and they just wasted 45 minutes of my precious time! Arghh.. I hold on so I didn't cry in front of the public, I keep my mouth shut so I didn't scream at strangers face, and I walk really fast because whenever I'm depressed or stressed, I usually run fast. Real fast.

And during my me-time cursing others to myself, this one cute boy tries to block my way and stop me. I'm really not in a good mood for games and fun time children -.- So back off! I just ignore the little boy calling me. Then he suddenly runs towards me and pull my purple baju kurung. I look down straight to his face. He has this very cute round face with a big round eyes and a smiley mouth with a very innocent smile. 'Kakak, nak salam..' And he pulls my clenched fist hands that is stiff with anger and kissed it. And all of the sudden, the other 2 of his siblings consists of all boys came running as if it's some kind of a race and do the same. 'Kakak kakak, nak salam jugak..' That what they say to stop me from turns around the other way. I guess they are around 5 to 3 years old.

Automatically this heart of mine that was filled with anger before are cooled down :) Ahh~ I'm so sorry little boys. I didn't meant to ignore you just like that. And thank you :) You really made my day! And I go home with a smiling face and forgive my friends for the things that they've done to me today. OHMYGOD THEY ARE SOOO CUTE! :D

Kids :)

Ahh~ Kids, they just brighten up your day don't they?

I wanted to share with you something. That something was used to be my dream years ago. Something bout a child, kids, children :) When I was little, after my mom gave a birth to her 4th child, Muhammad Shakir bin Rosli (the only boy in my siblings!) I remember telling my mom 'Ibu, Nadiah don't want to have any little brother or sister AGAIN. If I do have one, I'll burn the baby in the oven'. Yes. I've said that to my mom. Because I love Shakir very much any I don't want my mom to put away her attention from him if she is pregnant again. Thank god our Shakir is the last siblings of us all. Hahaha :P

Okay, when I was a teenager couple of years back ago, I did sometimes think about kids. (Oh come on, who doesn't?) I've always wanted to have a baby boy :) Because I am myself love something adventurous. I love football, I hate pink, I love outdoor activity, I hate make ups, handbags or high heels. See? If I have a baby boy, for sure I spent time with him with loads of mummy-son or muumy-daddy-son activity together a lot. But things changes when I read a book titled 'The Memory Keeper's Daughter'. Okay, this is the synopsis of the book :

'On a winter night in 1964, Dr. David Henry is forced by a blizzard to deliver his own twins. His son, born first, is perfectly healthy. Yet when his daughter is born, he sees immediately that she has Down's syndrome. Rationalizing it as a need to protect Norah, his wife, he makes a split second decision that will alter of their lives forever. He asks his nurse to take the baby away to an institution and never to reveal the secret. But Caroline, the nurse, cannot leave the infant. Instead, she disappears into another city to raise the child herself. So begins this beautifully told story that unfolds over a quarter of a century — in which these two families, ignorant of each other, are yet bound by David Henry's fateful decision that long-ago winter night.

Rich, compulsively readable, and deeply moving, The Memory Keeper's Daughter captures the way life takes unexpected turns, and how the mysterious ties that hold a family together help us survive the heartache that hold a occurs when long-buried secrets burst into the open. It is an astonishing tale of redemptive love.'

From the story I've already captured the life of a single child without any siblings to play with. That story COMPLETELY change my mind about having only a single child. I respect my mom and keep wondering how does she divides her love to 4 of us equally. I'm scared that I can't be like her. I'm scared that I've failed to be a mother that is loved by all of my child. But I remember my mom telling me this " When you deliver yourself your own baby, then you will know how to love him/her. You'll realized by yourself how important every one of your child in your life '' . Thanks Ibu sayang for your beautiful advice.

Okay, back to the story, long long time ago I've always wanted to open/built up a house for urmm, what can I say an abandon and orphan child. I've always wanted to take care of them. Give them attention that they supposed to have and give them full affection that they deserves to get and give them education that so that they can have a bright future, push and motivate them through everything and tells them 'it's okay darling, it's alright you've got me'. It really touched me from the bottom of my heart, a child that is so weak and doesn't have any people to guide them through their hard times, the tears, the laugh, the major weakness in everything. It really brings me to tears. Really.. Now I don't know whether I can make this dream come true :/ Well it will but only if I found 'someone' who have this very same dream and hope for these children just like I do. But I don't know who~

For us it's too late

Benda yang dah jadi lama, dah ku lupakan. Dah memang aku tak ingat pun. Until today during my Account test. 1 Message recevied. Opening message.... Damn. It's him. Aku dah agak da. After all that he's been through lately, baru nak contact aku? Terima kasih banyak2 sebab masih ingat kat aku. Tapi aku? Tak pernah teringat kau pun :) Kau tak tengok macam mana aku jatuh 3 kali disebabkan kau. Tapi tak tahu kenapa hati ini masih tak serik. Tak pernah serik. Kenapa? Aku tak tahu. Tapi cukuplah tiga kali. Sampai trauma nak angkat hp berbunyi kalau nombor kau yang tertera. Sampai aku terus delete segala pesanan ringkas kau selepas selesai aku baca. Sebab aku takut aku rindu kau balik bila dengar suara kau. Aku takut perasaan aku wujud balik bila aku balas setiap pesanan ringkas kau. Tapi kali ini semakin meluat aku dengan kau. Harap perasaan macam ni kekal sampai bila2. Aku benci kau :)